I’ve never ‘craved’ carrot sticks

For those of you who have struggled with your weight like I have all these years, I had to get a few things out in the open.

  1. I have never ever in my entire life craved carrot sticks.* I have been reading this book called Made to crave by Lysa TerKeurest and it is so damn enlightening I had to write a few things down to share with you.
  2. My weakness is Peanut M&M (yep this is the party size, thanks for noticing).bc2936f1-ba83-4b73-9034-9366a95a75a3_1-ef658b310663eaad5182cae227e36df2
  3. I don’t understand why they can’t be healthy. Chocolate is a plant from cocoa correct, plus the fact that there is PEANUTS in it. A nut, good fat right (is there really such a thing, because if there is I’d be considered AMAZING!) SO why can’t carrots or celery or yellow squash taste the same as the Peanut M&M? They are the same color, and consistency (both hard, yellow squash, green celery and orange carrots which are a majority of the colors in said M&M package.)
  4. Why is it when I look in the mirror I think “Damn I look good” then someone takes a picture and I’m all like “WHAT THE..who is that?”


I know there are certain things I know about myself. I know I need to change several things as I begin the downward slope of the late 40s. If anyone gets a medal for trying, I’d have 3,456,734,983. Yep…that many. Thing is..I won’t stop trying. The moment I give up is the day I die.

What I have learned is it is so much easier to make excuses than make changes.

Let me write that again…It is so much easier to make EXCUSES than to make CHANGES.

Remember the garden of Eden…I mean what did that snake temp Eve with…FOOD! We were doomed from the beginning. BUT…I AM NOT THE NUMBER ON THE SCALE.

I have to say that several times and not worry about that stupid box in my bathroom. No matter how many pieces of clothing I take off, how many times I pee before hand (not to mention the other number we never talk about hoping I do THAT before I get on said box,)…no matter how I stand, tippy toes, on heals, only 1 foot at a time…it doesn’t really matter, it isn’t WHO I am .



AND it isn’t who YOU are either. I watched The Office episode the other day where they were trying to win a contest about how much the entire office could lose (incentive, they get days off work). Dwight took all of the unhealthy snacks out of the vending machines and put fresh fruits and veggies in it (1st like that will ever happen, where is the package of peanut M&M’s Dwight?) AND after a few days, there were gnats and flies in there. SEE, fresh veggies and fruits are unhealthy. (Seriously, it did make me laugh.)

Eating healthy can be expensive…it can also be cost saving when you ARE healthy you don’t get diseases, and bad knees from caring extra weight around, heart problems, diabetes…etc, etc, etc. So I did it…I began my journey yet again BUT this time I incorporated something different. I took out the word DIET and replaced it with Healthy. AND I added a much important word/person in this journey…GOD.

I know I am made to crave…I am made to long for things, want for things, desire things, sometimes BEG for things when our sugar meter is begging us to fill it…but I am replacing GOD with that. 1st John 2:15 says Don’t love the world or anything in it. If you do, the love of your father is not in Him. Cravings of sinful man, lust and boasting for what he has or does, or has not, comes NOT from the Lord but from the world.

That scripture HIT HOME! Satan will put feelings and thoughts in our heads “You can’t do it, just give in.” “It’s only ONE bite, you deserve it” “Just give up, you won’t make progress, you never have, you will just gain it all back again like before”. We are consumed by these thoughts in our heads…We see foods that aren’t great for us as pleasing to the eye, wow that will taste so good, so desirable right? So I am going to switch my desires…I desire to be more with the Father as he strengthens my cravings. I desire to be an example of breaking the cycle, to show my kids what healthy is. The more saturated with HIM I become, the less Satan can entice.

I will leave you with one of the most beneficial scriptures I have read (1st Corinthians 10:23), Everything is permissible but not everything is beneficial. Keep that in your mind this week as you embrace what God has to offer to you.

And if you struggle like I do…just keep swimming, it’s good exercise anyway.

Be a good example…because Parenting can be Meshy.


Can someone please stop TIME…

What the heck happened to this year? To last year even. I swear I blinked and now Trev is a senior! A SENIOR! IN HIGH SCHOOL.

Meaning, he is leaving soon. To another state. Actually 2 states away for college. (did I just write that…college). It is like a bad word that tastes bitter sweet…the face I am making now thinking about it, this about sums that up…


I am trying like hell to let my kite string out but for God sakes, he is my sweet boy that would pick a dandelion for him and then one for me…like yesterday. He is the pudding in the pop, the raisin in the oatmeal cookie…(I’m starting to get hungry and realize I am an emotional eater apparently.)

I have let life pass me by, working, thinking things are more important, shushed him off when I was busy, forgot lunches, yelled when I was mad he didn’t take out the garbage, grounded him, took away his phone, whipped his arse when he tried to climb into the oven when he was 2.

I also watched him as he grew, watched as he opened his heart to Jesus, gave more than he had to others, became an amazing listener, stood up and stated he wanted to go to school for ministry, got straight A’s, got a full scholarship to the college of his choice, became a youth leader to a group of unruly 7th grade boys, taught them how much Jesus loved them. I have to tell myself all these things outweigh the bad…and I also think the above possibly made him into what he is today.

We need more of that in this world. A world that has become bitter lately, kids with a sense of entitlement, and no respect for others. Some that down right need their ass handed to them with a belt (oh you ‘time out’ moms and dads, chill out, you parent how you parent and I will parent how I parent.)

So for now…I plan on making what time I have left of him here, the best it can be. I will continue to give him higher expectations, will not allow him to slack off, and will continue to love him unconditionally every moment of every breath I have in my lungs.

You will always be my sweet boy Trevor…no matter how much taller you are than me.


Love you to the moon and back.

Parenting IS meshy!

No words…

I sit here in the dark and try to muster up some uplifting words to my dear friend who has just been handed horrific news of brain cancer.

What the heck do you say?

I feel myself fumbling some spiritual context of “You can fight this!” “This is a journey of God’s and he is taking you.” But try as I might and muster…right now I can’t get those words out.

I’m angry as hell right now.

Straight PISSED off.

Her and her husband are the most uplifting, wonderful human beings who give their all. And on social media there is this rapist that has only been given 6 months for raping an unconscious girl and they are giving him some stupid protection in jail. WTH.

I am so frustrated and sad and just have zero words of encouragement as I look at my own sons and wonder what they would do if we were handed this news. She has her brain biopsy tomorrow. Where they drill a hole in her head, actually put her to sleep, cut into her scalp, wake her up to see if they are causing any issues, and either decide to just biopsy it or take it out. But the kicker is there are 4 of them. FOUR. Growing rapidly.


God just give me strength and understanding as I walk with her in this journey of faith and unquestionable fear and realization we really are not in control of anything.

And if you read this…pray for her.

Pray for her life. For her brain. For a miracle. For her amazing 3 boys and for her husband who is the pillar of strength and is being crushed with this news.

I just ask that you pray for them. God knows exactly who they are.

Remember…tomorrow may never come so live life to the fullest TODAY!

The New Year…isn’t it really just another day?

That title totally sounds like I’m being rude.

Doesn’t it?

Or am I correct?

Think about it. (I will give you a moment…)

(Cue the Jeopardy Music here.)


You done yet?

Oh well I must continue. So, my theory as it stands (which mainly just means my opinion so take it or leave it…) Yesterday was Thursday, right? Today is Friday. So, isn’t it really just another day? Yes we have to actually go the next two torturous months doing this…


That is really the only big difference for me. I have made resolutions over my span of 45 years (well, not every year, like not when I was 2, I didn’t know what a resolution was then, so let’s say over the last 30 or so years).

Have I kept even ONE of them?

Probably not.

Unless my resolutions have been:

  1. I will feed myself at least 1 meal every day for the next 365 days.
  2. I will use an inside toilet daily.
  3. I will work and get a paycheck and pay bills monthly.
  4. I will close my mouth when I chew.

THOSE are some actual resolutions some people COULD make and they be appropriate but I do all of them already so making these off the rocker, set the bar high goals that I fail at every year had left me empty and quite honestly, feeling like a mass failure.

I don’t want to do it anymore.

So I continue to do what I did yesterday.

I wake up.

I bathe.

I dress myself.

I try to eat a healthy breakfast.

I go to work.

I try to eat a healthy lunch.

I go home.

I try to eat a healthy dinner.

I work out.

I go to bed.

When I write it, it sounds so damn monotonous…but is there really anything WRONG with that?

It is called a schedule. Crazy as it sounds, some people actually live by this.

If something goes array, they may panic just a bit. Are there days I don’t eat breakfast…yep. Days I don’t eat that ‘healthy’ lunch or dinner….heck yeah.

Are there days I don’t work out (really do you need to ask that?) Of course there are!

BUT…one thing is for certain, everyday I have woken up. Everyday I am either dressed or get dressed (yep there are some days I don’t ever get OUT of my jammies). Everyday I go to bed. I am blessed.

Why would I want to change this pattern of pure blessings?

I think our issues with resolutions are we don’t LIKE what we actually have in ourselves. (WHAT THE WHAT!)



Can I say that clearly enough!?!

My mom, as wise and amazing as she is said once to me (and was this her actual quote, I doubt it, but I will quote it as such…) “If you aren’t happy with what you DO have, what makes you think you would be happy with more?”

Or less for that matter….less weight, less bills, more time, more money, cars, riches, video games, shoes, purses, whatever your WHAT is…

Does. IT. Matter?

I am blessed. 

I am blessed beyond riches for amazing small (well not so small anymore) humans I birthed out of my body.

I am blessed with a man who honors me, literally places me on this Princess pedestal that I don’t deserve.

I am blessed with a home, that is warm and a bed that is ours.

Food on our table and in our fridge.

An amazing God who gave His SON to die for me!

Blessed with a family who loves me and genuinely cares for me.

Why in the Jesus, Mary and Joseph could I want any more than what I have just because I flipped the calendar to another day or another year?

Why would you?

Make it the best DAY! Not the best YEAR, or the best life, or the best car or best home or best pair of shoes…make it the BEST MOMENT.

Right now.

Just make a difference!



What’s ‘SUP with the stupid CUP…

For the love of everything colorful…

Seriously people.

First off, it isn’t even THANKS’flippingGIVING! And here we are arguing about who said what, about what color of  STUPID cup that Starschmucks is serving.


Let me break down for you.




Here is my 1 cent on this (I won’t even give it 2 because it is THAT stupid I am even blogging about it.) Some Starschmucks BRILLIANT higher up started this whole stupid cup issue for …well let’s see…PUBLICITY. I mean, seriously, putting it on the ChristianS (plural), pretty risky I’d say. Because most of us (and I say US with proud intentions here), don’t care what color any cup is, nor do we care what is on said cup, because for me as long as there is some sort of hot, flowing lava like java in said cup it could say Darth Vader is the AntiChrist and I would totally drink it.


So for all the red/green color blind folks out there whom have NO idea what all the fuss is about, don’t feel bad. It’s really stupid. Brilliant on the coffee makers part, but stupid that people are actually taking the time to argue about it on Social Media.

SO, now that I have wasted several minutes of time talking about it myself we shall call it a day…let’s raise our Red, Blue, Yellow, Green, White, Polk-a-dot, rainbow Christmas cups for toast …crap, now I’m going to have the anti- LGBT community pissed aren’t I! :).



JUST LOVE EACH OTHER and for all that is human, be nice…and drink Dunkin’ Donuts Coffee, it tastes better and it says it right there on the cup…America RUNS on Dunkin’.


Meshy coffee freaks.



People are very trusting.
Let me rephrase this…most people are very trusting.
Let me break that down further and rephrase that…I am not one of those people.


Even after writing it I have this compulsion to go back and say something more appropriate.
Age has hardened my ability and tolerance I think. Well maybe not age…quite possibly people.
Even breaking this down further.
People I love.
I can trust a complete stranger at this point more than I can trust some of the people I love the most.

Why. Is. That?

Is it a sense of control?
Stupidity on my part?
Stupidity on their part?

Whatever the actual reality every time I get railroaded yet again I wonder if I am too nice.


Is it that hard to tell the truth?

I am that much of a gullible idiot the people purposefully drive the bus over top of me and then put it in reverse to see my reaction?

I believe in forgiveness because I was taught as a child if you hold that anger and sadness in, you allow that person to live rent free in your head.

However, forgiveness doesn’t constitute forgetting, nor should it allow for the person harming to continue the behavior. Nor, should I allow said behavior to continue.

That age old saying, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice…


What do they say when you fool me three times?

Don’t answer that.

God. I. Am. So. Tired.


All the hats we must wear as adults, parents, spouses, children, sibling, employee, employer, boss, staff, manager, juror whatever the title is for that moment.

It’s hard to grab that hat and flip it off when that role is done for the time and find the correct hat and slap that bad boy on too. My head is hurting. Some hats are too tight. Some are too big, so fit but are the wrong color. Stripped, solid, flowery…I’d like to go a day without a hat. Even 15 minutes of utter peace from my churning mind.


Just 15 minutes.

Well, 15 minutes is over.

Back to reality.

Meshy, smeshy.

At least today is Friday Eve!

The “Fall”ing Parent…a thanks to teachers!

I will admit it.

I am THAT parent. The one who volunteers, and reads everything the first semester of school. I am the one who signs my name in beautiful cursive writing. Ok, maybe the first month. It’s fall and I am already over all the grades, and sign up genius links, the paperwork to sign (because by now my signature looks like I am on drugs); and for the love of anyone who has to work for a living…stop sending the crap home we have to sell. Seriously, you KNOW the only people who buy this crap is family, and by family I mean those whom WE as parents ask others to buy.


I’ve been to this dog and pony show already when I was 12, so can we stop sending the fund-raiser, buy a roll of crappy Christmas paper so your kid can earn a $0.32 prize already.



I will donate $20 at the beginning of every year if you would leave that crap at the front door of the school. I’m pretty sure the extra taxes I am giving monthly for the levy that passed should contribute to some of this. Am I right, or am I right?

I’m pretty sure I could start my OWN fundraiser. The one for the single parent to purchase a ‘device’ for my 7th grader, all while my junior in high school has been toting around an old ‘device’ from 7th grade. I don’t even own a laptop, but my kids have to bring them to school. What happened to pencils and lined paper. The ones with the holes in it, that you WROTE on, in CURSIVE! Yea, I do too. My kids will never understand the art of the hand cramp after writing for a detention.


On the bright side ladies and gents…we are 1/3 of the way into the best time of our lives. School. It’s like free babysitting but we pay taxes for it. It gives you a small slice of a moment in which you know your kid is learning and quite possibly becoming a member of society, and it also gives us someone else to blame if they don’t. (JUST kidding teachers, I for one LOVE each and every one who have taught my rowdy boys and give you each a huge high five and gold star or yellow bucket, whatever it is these days, for putting up with that many pre-pubescent stinky kids, for the love of learning! You totally ROCK!)

pink teachers rule

We need to seriously give the teachers a fat raise. If you think about it, they are with our kids almost as much as we are as a parent. I mean I’m not good at Math (sorry Mrs. VonBargen, although I do believe she may be dead now), if we wrap that around our heads for a moment…5 days a week for approximately 8 hours/day is 40 hours. We get them 2 days for the weekend we will say for 15 hours (30) then if they have NO sports, or after school programs or homework, or as a parent you actually work and aren’t home unit say 6 pm, 3 hours a night X 5 days is 15 hours. So as a parent, we have about 45-50 hours with the kids. Teacher = 40 hours and parent = 45. They are like a nanny but better. They are teaching them things we can’t, things we have NO idea about (ok, well me, wasn’t great at Geography or again the math thing), but seriously we need to give these folks WAY more credit than they are currently getting.

So from 1 tired out, hard working parent, whom sometimes gives you massive grief about a grade or what you are teaching…hats off to each and every one of you that have ever had any contact with a child in the teaching aspect. You ALL deserve one healthy raise and that gold star. You are missing your OWN family to teach mine. Words can’t express how thankful I really am for each one of you.

Parenting is meshy, and teaching…well that just deserves a standing ovation!


The Tweenage Years…

Do you have a tween? An 11 or 12 year old, going on 34? Who seems to have this unabated amount of sarcasm and eye rolling? So much that you wonder if one day your hand may inadvertently reach out and B*TC% slap them without any warning. You too huh?

Day 3 of middle school for my youngest human and by day 2 the novelty of the 7th grade has already worn off, pulling him out of bed, doesn’t want to eat, he can make it. He isn’t hungry this early…(who the hell is?) It is the crack A$$ break of dawn for crying out loud. His throat hurts and he is stuffy…Does anyone else hear that insistent whine in his voice? (Ok, Don’t get me wrong here…I love my humans, but this age has quite literally placed more than a few hundreds of thousands of gray hairs on my head).


I see all my friends Facetweets and Instabook posts about how perfectly managed and well behaved their humans are and wonder what the hell I’m doing wrong. Maybe I’m just being honest. Or maybe…just maybe the Perfect Pinterest Pinner Mom really does have something by making her own glue and granola snacks bars (Hopefully not together, well…wait, she may be on to something there!)


Heck I’m over here all trying to just make sure my kid puts on deodorant and brushes his teeth, like I have to literally smell his pits and breath before we go out of the house and then ban him from everything if it isn’t done. Good God when does the act of caring for your body smell come into existence with boys??


Day 3 of what I call the Parental Stand Off (or day 3 of the new school year), has brought frustration and the infamous count down. Oh I know you know what I’m talking about. Don’t make me count to 3…then my 7th grader laughs and says “that’s all you can count to Mom!” Then I revert to counting to 10 in my head so I don’t back hand him for his smart mouth. (Oh if I am offending you, please just jump off this blog bandwagon now, because I can be honest and raw about my feelings, but I love my little humans more than anything in this world and would never really do anything to harm them, so calm down Pinterest Mom.)

Middle school is hard. I totally get that. You go from sitting in 1 classroom all year with the same stinky friends, with recess and a lunch that isn’t at 10 am. The bus comes at 9 and you are home playing your favorite game by 4. There is no care in the world with Elementary school. Then BAM. You are expected to get up BEFORE the butt crack of dawn to be at school before the sun comes up, eat lunch at 10 am…where is recess? There is no recess? There are locker combinations and bells. Traveling to and from classroom with hoards of other stinky tweens not having a clue where room 243 is from room 127. Which stairwell do I take to get there within 4 minutes time? Oh the agony of the tween years…YES, I am being sarcastic.


For the love of everything easy, come on. As parents we have GOT to stop coddling our kids. Life sucks sometimes and hard things come up and for crying out loud…we need to ban together to make our kids strong, independent, useful products of society. MIDDLE SCHOOL is one of those paths. So buck up kid, no sympathy here. NOT from me.

So…put on your big boy pants and get out there buck a roo…this next week’s going to be a doozy.

Until next time when the away golf matches begin…


Twas the night before school starts…

Twas the night before school starts
And all though our hood…
The boys were all brooding
Pissed off, in a mood.

The summer is over,
A Junior one is.
And then one in middle school,
He thinks he’s a whiz.

The attitudes are coming,
The rolling of eyes,
The moaning and groaning,
The when’s and the why’s.

The book bags are packed,
Stuffed up to the top
I have no more money
Please God make it stop.

The school fees, supplies,
The lunch, buy or pack?
The clothes and the shoes
All purchased and stacked.

The boys, they’re not happy
But parents, oh I hear…
You are giddy and elated
Most wonderful time of the year!

Get to bed, get there early
It is close, almost near
The day it is coming,
Don’t sweat, have no fear.

The buses, the car pools
The sports after school
The running, the time crunch
Man I sure miss the pool.

So enjoy this small moment
It’s rare, look around
Tomorrow it will be quiet
Not a peep not a sound.

The day will go quickly,
Before you can blink
The buses will bring them
Back home in a wink.

You’ll hear the excitement
The friends they have made
The learning and homework
No memories shall fade.

Get ready, it’s coming
It’s school time again!
The early alarm clock
Hit snooze, keeps you sane.

Night night all…
That alarm comes fast.
Happy new school year to all!
Making memories, make them last!

Parenting is perfectly meshy!
Happy new school year!

Don’t Blink

So…if you have kids, little ones, big ones, short ones, tall ones, young ones, old ones…IF you have kids you will know what I mean.

Do. Not. Blink.

I repeat. Do not blink.

For if you close your eyes for more than a moment you will open them again realizing how fast they have grown. Try as I might to remember the lasts…

Most parents a riddled with the firsts. Capturing the first shaky steps on camera and scrapbook in each one. First bite of cereal. First time they slept all night, first tooth, first trip to potty, first day at school. The list just grows right.

For me I tried so hard to remember the lasts. The last time I rocked my baby in my arms…had I known it was the last, would I have reveled in the moment, rocking a little longer? Would I have not put him down so fast to go watch a show or get added sleep myself? Had I known it was the last time I would snuggle singing I’m walking on Sunshine, would I have sang it again?

As I sit here filling out paperwork for my baby to go to middle school I refuse to complain about how many times they need my number, or his allergy information. Soon I won’t fill these out any longer. There will come a day where he will fill this out himself. So today I chose to revel in my moment…because as we all know we have no idea which time it will be the last.

Embrace every moment.

Enjoy every single time they need you.

And for the love of everything good…please do NOT blink. If you do you will open your eyes and will taking college campus tours.

I am placing toothpicks in my eyes now.

Parenting is downright meshy.